I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
