You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
