I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
