ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
