I think I won the penis lottery.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
