in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
