Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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