i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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