I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
