Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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