That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
