Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have already put on my inside pants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
