Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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