That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
