The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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