After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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