Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
