I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
