I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
