so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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