I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please don't give away my fajitas
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