we're blogging at a bar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
