Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
