And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
