why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
