i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
