this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
