I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
