He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
