my phone needs a breathalizer
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
