Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
