So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
