The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
