i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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