Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
