All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
