organizing the empties. That sober.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
