I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
