My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
