Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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