Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
