every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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