I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
