i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
