Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
