You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
