Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
