I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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