Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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