so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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