You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
