Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
