I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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