I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
