Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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