i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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