i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
