is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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